If it's all I ever do
by solstjerne
Summary: OneShot: Lily is now out of Hogwarts, and is well on the road of becoming a healer. The war causes many casualties and injuries. What will happen when a someone close to Lily is admitted to St. Mungo's? LJ


Inspired by the song "if it's all I ever do" by Anders Johansson

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She leaned back and took a deep breath. For the first time in the past three hours she was able to sit down. She was in the staff lounge of St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. With the tip of her wand she cleaned all the blood away from her lime green robes. She had lost count on how many times she had done that today. Every time a new patient arrived it was only a matter of seconds before the robes were covered with blood.

The wooden door suddenly opened and a woman in the same lime green coloured robes entered. "Holding up all right, Lily?" the woman asked with a smile and sat down next to Lily. "You look tired."

"I'm fine, Agatha," Lily said to the Healer next to her. She had known Agatha Brown since she got to St. Mungo's. Agatha was slightly older than Lily, and was always a great help. "It's quite hectic out there."

"Like anywhere else these days," Agatha said thoughtfully. "This war has left everyone in fright and worry." She noticed a trace of sadness on Lily's face. "I'm so sorry to hear about your friend."

"Thank you," Lily answered quietly. A few days ago, Helena Keller had been rushed into the hospital, badly hurt by a Death Eater. After a long struggle she had given up and died. Helena had been Lily's best friend at Hogwarts, and had been attacked in broad daylight at work. She had worked in a small library in Diagon Alley. Naturally everyone was terrified now that they knew the Death Eaters would attack in even the most crowded places.

Lily could feel Agatha feeling slightly uncomfortable. "You know I received a letter from a friend of mine yesterday. It was written three months ago. The war delays any type of communication, even with magic around."

Lily knew those were supposed to be comforting words. Agatha knew Lily had not been in touch with any of her closest friends for a long time. Her boyfriend, James Potter, and his best friend, Sirius Black, had been send on a mission for the Order of the Phoenix almost five months earlier. She had not heard a word from any of them since they left. Every day she feared some man in black robes would enter the hospital, and let her know he was from the ministry and had some sad news. She feared this as much as the day she would be called to the ground floor, which had turned into the most chaotic floor of the hospital. Every wizard or witch who mostly had been hit by a spell from a Death Eater, would come here for immediate medical attention. Mostly the patients coming here would come straight from a battle and covered in blood. She feared she would be called there because James had come in.

Fortunately this day had not come yet, and for now she was keeping her mind busy with work, and during the quiet hours, she did her best to think positive. Some times were easier than other, but she was hanging in there.

The door opened once again, this time faster than when Agatha had entered. "Evans, a 10-year-old child poured a bottle of swelling solution over himself. He has been moved to the second floor. Brown, could you help out on the ground floor? A resent battle turned out quite bloody, and the floor is fully packed. Evans you can come down there when you are done." A man wearing the lime green robes said. Lily knew him, he was another Healer at the hospital. She nodded. They got up and Lily headed to the second floor, where Agatha headed to the ground floor.

On the second floor Lily did find a young boy in a small ward. His left arm was about the triple size of his right. "Well that doesn't look too good," Lily said with a smile. "I'm Healer Evans. Don't worry we will have this fixed in no time."

"Thank you," the boy said shyly. "My name is Jeremy. I'm sorry to be so much trouble. I know you have a lot of sick people to take care of with the war going on."

"Don't you worry about that Jeremy," Lily said with a smile as she got some antidote ready for him. She took the Deflating Draught and poured over his arm. It would be a minute or two before it would make his arm go back to it's normal size. "It is nice to get some time away from that."

"Are there many hurt?"

"I'm afraid so, yes."

"Do they die?"

Lily looked at the boy. "Not all of them but some are hurt badly when they come in here."

"So they don't always make it."

"Sadly, no."

The blond haired boy looked thoughtful. His arm had started to get back to its normal size. "I feel sorry for their family and friends. You know my neighbour lost his dog once. He was so sad. But then my sister's boyfriend died a few weeks ago. She cried her eyes out for days." He held to breathe. "Have you lost anyone close to you?"

Lily was surprised with how fast the boy could talk. "Erm, a friend of mine died a few days ago," she answered quietly.

"I'm sorry. Can I ask you something?" Lily nodded. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Lily softened a bit and smiled. "I do, yes."

"Well that is good. My best friend is a girl. Her name is Frances and has red hair like you. She is coming with me to Hogwarts next year. I have actually considered asking her out. Do you think I should do that?"

"You certainly are talkative. But I would give it a try if I were you," Lily laughed. "There all done." She cleaned the remaining potion off his arm. "How did it get so swollen anyway?"

He took a deep breath. "You promise not to tell my parents?"

"Don't worry, I have a duty of confidentiality. Unless it is something that would concern them greatly. You did not do anything illegal did you?"

"I don't think so, no" He took a deep breath once again. "Frances and I were bored, so we decided to go out. As in to the forest."

"The forest? How far away is this forest from your house?" Lily asked concerned.

"Not _that_ far. A small mile maybe." He noticed the expression on Lily's face and continued hastily, "I know I'm not supposed to be going there with the war and everything. And I promised I will never ever do it again. What happen was that we met this man in there. He was wearing a black robe with a hat. He was wearing that hat so I couldn't see his face. Well he was just as surprised to see us, as we were to see him, so I suppose he jumped in surprise when he dropped the potion. It landed on my arm, and well, you know the rest of the story," Jeremy explained.

"What happened after he spilled the potion?"

"I'm not sure really. Actually I think he ran."

"Just like that? What was he doing in there?"

"I didn't see much after my arm grew three times larger than its normal size." Lily nodded. "You won't tell my parents will you?"

"No, you are going to have to do that yourself," Lily decided with a smile. "Tell you what, I will only write to the ministry to let them know about the strange man in the forest. I won't tell them where I got the information. Just promise me you won't go out there again!"

"I won't," Jeremy promised. "I promise. Thank you Healer Evans." Lily send him a smile as he walked out of the ward.

Lily closed her eyes and let out a needed sigh. When she opened them again she headed down to the ground floor. Just as she had expected, everything was chaotic down there. Even though she didn't have much experience on the Healer subject, she had tried this a few times before. Everywhere she looked she saw blood and other Healers running around in their lime green robes. Screams from hurting patients rang in her ears.

"Lily!" A familiar voice yelled behind her. She saw Agatha running towards her. Her robes were bloody and her forehead was slightly sweaty. She caught her breath and continued. "Healer Robert needs you in ward four. More hurt wizard and witches are coming soon, and I honestly don't know where we are going to put them. Almost all beds are occupied."

"We'll think of something," Lily said calmly, though she wasn't sure what they were going to do either. "We should help as many as we can, and start moving them up to the other floors." Agatha nodded and walked away again.

Lily turned left and entered ward four. Here she found Healer Robert throwing spells on a man she was unable to see the face of. "Evans, we need some blood-replenishing potion!" The elder Healer yelled when he saw Lily in the doorway. Lily nodded and hurried into a storage room, where she was able to locate some blood-replenishing potion. She hurried back into the ward and up to the patient.

For the first time she caught a look of the patient's face. It was obviously a man, and though he was badly hurt, she recognised him to be Remus Lupin, a good friend of hers. She let out a gasp when she noticed him and almost dropped the potion. After taking a second to calm herself she lifted Remus' head and opened his mouth so he could swallow the potion.

After five minutes of constant spell-casting she and Healer Robert had finally been able to almost stabilise Remus. He opened his eyes every now and then, and tried to say something, which was unclear to everyone else in the room. "Remus, what happened? Did you come with anyone else?"

"Now Evans, lets not put any pressure on the man," Healer Robert said.

She ignored him. "Remus?" She asked softly. Remus looked up at him and murmured something. "Sorry what did you say?" She asked again.

"Healer Evans?" A voice asked behind her. Lily turned again and saw a young woman in blue robes. She saw the woman every morning when she came to work. She worked in the reception, which was used much anymore. The woman normally spend her time trying to administrate all of the wizards and witches entering the hospital. "Healer Brown needs your help in ward fifteen. She says you know the patient."

"Thank you," Lily said. With a nod from Healer Robert she made her way to ward fifteen. The short walk seemed longer and harder than anything she had ever been through before. She kept repeating the words "Merlin please let it not be him," over and over in her head.

She finally reached ward fifteen after what seemed like ages. She opened the door and inside she found Agatha giving the patient a potion. It was a male patient and Lily knew exactly who it was. "Oh no," she gasped and her hands flew to her mouth. Agatha walked over to her. "How is he?"

"Stable for now," she said quietly. "I'll leave you two alone." She walked out of the ward and closed the door behind her.

With a sigh Lily walked over to the bed. There he was, James Potter himself. He opened his eyes when she approached him. He send her smile. Lily sat down on the bed next to him and ran a hand through his messy hair. She leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead, before pressing her forehead to his. She closed her tight so no tears would run out. When she had gathered them all back, she opened her eyes again and leaned back up. Her emerald green eyes looked into his hazel. "How are you?" she whispered.

"I've obviously been better," he said with a weak voice. "Now that you are here I'm feeling much better."

"Merlin James, you were supposed to come back to me, but at our house not my work."

He reached out and took her hand in his. "I'm so sorry love." She had heard that sentence before. The few times he had been with her the past two years, he had always started by apologising for not being able to get back sooner. "At least this way I get to see your smile, touch you and maybe if I'm lucky even kiss you."

She smiled sadly, but it vanished quickly. "You don't need to risk your life just to see me. You could have died!"

"No I couldn't." He said determined. "Not before I had been able to let you know how much you mean to me. These five months have been the longest of my life, and they really had me thinking. If it's all I ever do, I would give my heart to you, Lily, and I will keep doing so faithfully."

A silent tear ran down her cheek. She knew she had missed him, but now when he was lying there in a hospital bed she realised how dark those long months had been without him. She squeezed his hand tight and looked down. "When do you have to leave again? Once you get out of the hospital?" She did not want to meet his eyes.

He thought about it for a while. "The ministry and the Order would want me to." She let out a long sigh. "If I could I would stay here with you forever."

"But duty calls, right?"

"I suppose that is what they say." He pulled his hand back and used it to try and sit up. He struggled slightly but Lily came to his aid. "I understand you are tired of waiting for me." He spoke even quieter than before.

"I am," she said honestly. She looked back up. "but that doesn't mean I'll stop doing so. If you feel you have to do, whatever you are doing, I will support you. And I will be waiting until you get back. Just don't take too long." She smiled slightly.

He returned the smile. "I would do this in a more traditional way, but under the circumstances I'm not sure I will be able to." She looked at him in confusion. "If something was to happen to me, I want to them to know that I have a least done one thing right, before they carve my name in some stone. From the first time you spoke my name, it somehow didn't sound the same. I knew from that moment on that you were going to be very special to me." He bit his bottom lip, then pulled himself together and continued. "Lily Evans, will you marry me?"

The expression on her face clearly said she was taken back by this. After a while a smile finally appeared on her face. "Yes," she gave him the answer he had hoped for. "You even said 'going to' instead of 'gonna'." she laughed.

"I would give you a ring, but I'm afraid you're _gonna_ have to wait a while with that." He said happily, making her laugh again. "So am I lucky enough to get a kiss from the most beautiful woman in this hospital?" Again Lily smiled, then leaned down and placed her lips on his. He deepened the kiss. This was something they had both been longing for through the five months they had been apart. The kiss seemed to last forever but none of them minded. "Wow," James said when they pulled apart. "I must be the luckiest man alive."

"I love you," she said with a happy smile.

"I love you too," he answered.

A knock on the door interrupted the moment, much to both Lily and James' annoyance. A woman in blue robes, not the one Lily had just met, entered the ward. "Healer Evans, we need to update all records for the patients and make room for the new. I am not sure whether we should do this in front of the patient or if you want to step outside for a minute."

"We can do it here," Lily said. The woman nodded and got James' record out. "Right, he will need some blood-replenishing potion to go, and please let his workplace know that he will need to stay home where he can rest for a while."

"James Potter, Auror?" The woman asked James. He nodded. "Right," she turned back to face Lily. "The ministry wants to know how long their Aurors will be away."

"Just tell them I will report back to the ministry when he is well enough to work."

The woman was obviously not happy with the answer, but accepted it and walked out of the ward. "Have you gone bad while I was gone?" James asked.

"Not completely," she assured him. "You could use some rest, I'm only stretching it a bit so I can get to spend some time with you for once."

"You know, Healer Evans," James said with the famous Potter grin, "I'm not feeling all too good, so if you are sending me home to rest, I should probably stay at your apartment. You know so you'll be around if everything blacks out or something." Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't help letting out a laugh. She leaned down again and placed another kiss on his lips.

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A/N: Hoping I'm getting the mile thing right! Here in Denmark we use kilometres.

Hope you liked the story! (: Reviews are of course welcome!


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